Blog posts

Insanity & Therapy

Submitted by Marco on Wed, 12/01/2021 - 14:48

Hmmm... what shall I call my new Extended Play album??? 'Therapy' or 'Addiction'???

I haven't made up my mind yet... most songs are ready, even the 'Therapy' or 'Addiction' cover's ready... well I'll put both.

Therapy EP albumcover

oh and I finished new song 'Insanity', it appears in the shops Dec. 5 but here you can take a listen already:

Audio file
Insanity songcover by AkAMAWA

 

'Insanity' by AkAMAWA

 

It's four o' clock in the morning
I light up a cigarette
And I cough up a warning
Tomorrow I'll quit
I promise myself

Some careful sips
Another bottle is empty
I look at the last one
Right overthere on the shelf

Coz the last one I save
To celebrate tomorrow
Cause tomorrow I quit
I promise myself

It's insanity
Oh it's insanity
It's so insane to
Expect a different
Outcome every time

It's insanity
Oh it's insanity
It's so insane to
Expect a different
Outcome every time

Another four o' clock in the morning
Another cigarette
Again I cough up a warning
Some careful sips
And another bottle is empty
Tomorrow I quit
I promise myself

It's insanity
Oh it's insanity
It's so insane to
Expect a different
Outcome every time

It's insanity
Oh it's insanity
It's so insane to
Expect a different
Outcome every time

I wanna be free

It's insanity
It's insanity
Oh lord why me
Set me free

egosyntonic, egodystonic and wodkatonic

Submitted by Marco on Wed, 11/17/2021 - 15:41

Although I don't yell it off the rooftops, neither do I make it a "dark secret" that I  lived a life of high ups and low downs.

Nowadays the life I lead could be described as a bit dull, sometimes boring and mostly eventless, which quite frankly suits me fine ever since I stopped comparing it with the extravagant highs and sickening lows from the past.

But... a while ago I had these minimosquitos of nostalgia and even homesickness back to those times that I was in a pretty bad shape; homeless, begging, stealing and literally hiding away in dark places with a bottle of booze. I had had those thoughts before, but never paid them attention, and stealthily tucked them away instead because I didn't understand them. I mean; who in their right mind would long for those dreadful times, places and episodes?!?

This time  though it felt like I was hiding from those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings instead of the other way round, so I talked about it with a psychologist, an in my opinion brilliant young guy.  He explained (the difference between) egosyntonic and egodystonic thought-patterns and behavior.  Almost right away the penny dropped with a loud bang... 

"WOW", I enthusiastically said, "SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT I SHOULD NEVER EVER FORGET!!!"

"Why don't you write a song about it then". he dryly suggested.

Immediately a repetitive blues called "Down the hole with Alice" sort of crystalized in my mind, so I jolted down that title, wrote the lyrics on the bus on my way home, went into the studio and got to work. 

The imaginary rabbithole became 'the hole', and where that hole led to wasn't at all wonderland, so I dropped Alice. And 'The Hole' was born, a reminder to myself that "The Hole" never is far away, that I've been very lucky that I could crawl out of it, and hopefully a warning to others.  :)

The Hole (songcover) by Marco Akamawa
Audio file

'The Hole' (Addiction)
by Marco Akamawa

There is a place
Somewhere deep deep down that hole
There is a place oh yeah
Where and believe me 
You don't wanna go

The Heebie Jeebie Blues

Submitted by Marco on Sat, 11/06/2021 - 11:24

Made a new song, based on a true story. Well, perhaps I exaggerated a tiny little bit because I got to keep my pants  and shirt but everything else was gone. 

Oh... and I was drinking wodka, not whiskey, but I guess whiskey sounds better in the world of good old blues & rock 'n roll.

And I never stutter. Well, maybe only when I'm nervous or a little hyped-up. Or drunk.

Now I gotta go, I've a gig to attend to... :)

Here's 'The Heebie Jeebie Blues', I hope you like it! 

Heebie Jeebie Blues coverpic by AkAMAWA
Audio file

 

I saw her late one night 
When I was drinkin' whiskey
With my f f f friends

She was cute but also
Well over half my age
So I surely wouldn't 
Stand a cha cha chance

Still I went up and said
Hey little lady do you wanna 
Deh deh deh deh dance

She smiled and jumped up
Said ok pops
Then she dragged me 
To the f f f f floor
And before I knew it 
It was closin'time
But she wanted to dance 
A little mo mo more

So we booked a room
And danced the night away
I passed out and woke up alone 
Halfway the next day

Can't remember much 
Of what I had done
Or maybe didn't even do do do 
But my watch 
And my wallet they were gone
And my shirt 'n pants 
Were missin' to to too
I found a little lipstick note 
That said
Thank you pops for dancin 
The heebie jeebie blues

I danced the heebie jeebie blues

I danced the heebie jeebie blues

I danced the heebie jeebie blues

I danced the heebie jeebie blues

The heebie jeebie hop hop hoppin'
Super creepy heebie jeebie 
Bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl blues

Oh yeah a little lipstick note 
That said thank you pops AIR!
For dancin the heebie jeebie blues



 

 

As Evening Falls (NEW!!!)

Submitted by Marco on Thu, 11/04/2021 - 23:12

Finished another song, I've made a few  corrections, also with a little help of George Finizio (California -USA), a brilliant song-writer & performing artist, and above all a great friend.  As always; thank you George!

I do believe the song 'As Evening Falls' is now good to go; I'm really happy with it! :)

As Evening Falls coverpic by AkAMAWA
Audio file

 'As Evening Falls'

 

It sometimes makes me sad
And I do regret
That we don't talk anymore

I even miss the times
That I was mad at you
There's only silence now

as evening falls
I whisper to you:
'Can you hear me?'
 
I can't stand it as evening falls
Because it's then when I most miss you
I know that you won't listen when I talk to you
And that you think there's nothin' left to say

Everything just seems so empty
More and more I fall apart
Every day
I can't stand it as evening falls
Because it's then when I most miss you
 
Remember when you left?
The promise that you made?
Or has it already slipped your mind?

I know that times they change
I fear you're movin' on
Don't leave us both behind

When you said goodbye
I heard you say "for now"
Was that to make things a little lighter?

Or did you lie?
 
I can't stand it as evening falls
Because it's then when I most miss you
I know that you won't listen when I talk to you
And that you think there's nothin' left to say

Everything just seems so empty
More and more I fall apart
Every day
Oooh I can't stand it as evening falls
Because it's then when I most miss you

I can't stand it as evening falls
And that there's nothin' left to say
Everything seems so empty
More and more I fall apart every day

Ik Hou Steeds Meer Van Jou (Papa)

Submitted by Marco on Fri, 10/29/2021 - 21:10

Just finished a song for my dad.

It's in Dutch, my native language, but I'll be making an english version asap. 

Hope you like it! It makes me cry every time, but that's perhaps because I'm a bit of a whimp sometimes ;-)

Ik Hou Steeds Meer Van Jou coverpic by AkAMAWA
Audio file

 

 

Ik heb dezelfde ogen
En ik krijg jouw trekken rond mijn mond
Vroeger kon ik driftig zijn
En jij was altijd kalm
Maar we hebben onze rust gevonden

We zitten naast elkaar
En we zeggen niet zoveel
Maar voor alles wat jij doet
Heb ik hetzelfde ritueel

Papa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou

Ik heb dezelfde lach
Dezelfde rimpels rond mijn ogen
Jij hebt jouw ideeen
En ik heb zo de mijne 
We zwerven in gedachten
Maar we komen altijd thuis

De waarheid die je zocht
En misschien ooit hebt gevonden
Ik zoek haar ook, en tevergeefs
Zolang ik leef

Oh papa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou

Vroeger was je vaak afwezig
En toch was je altijd heel dichtbij
Jouw woorden van toen
Die liggen nou op m'n lippen
En ik praat nu
Zoals jij vroeger praatte

Ik heb een goddeloos geloof
En ik hou van elke vrouw
En misschien ben ik geworden
Wat jij helemaal niet wou
Maar papa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou

Jij gelooft in God
Dus ga jij naar de Hemel
En ik geloof in niks
Dus komen we elkaar
Na de dood
Na de dood 
Nooit meer tegen...
  
Maar papa, ik hou steeds meer van jou
 
Ik heb een goddeloos geloof
En ik hou van elke vrouw
En misschien ben ik geworden
Wat jij helemaal niet wou
Maar papa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou
Ooh pap, ik hou steeds meer van jou

New Song(s)...

Submitted by Marco on Wed, 10/13/2021 - 12:57
uit de grond cover by Judith Weekers

...a few nights ago I woke up, as I often do recently, and was unable to go back to sleep again. I made a mental note to ask my doctor for something to help me sleep. From the mental note my thoughts went to my doctor, someone I deeply admire for who she is and for everything she did for me in the past, and a melody came to mind. From there lyrics quickly followed, till I fell asleep again.

The next morning I had forgotten about the mental note I had made, but remembered the melody and lyrics, so I went to my piano, and started playing. A few hours later I had finished a song, sung in Dutch.  

But... I thought it was too "romantic", and of course the last thing in the world I wanted was to let my doctor think that I'd be in love with her (which of course I am, but then again I'm sure that half her other patients are too :), so I completely changed the rythm of the song. 'Dank Je' (N's Song) I called it.  

Here's a link to it on Spotify , it came out just today.

Anyway, that song kept bugging me, it didn't feel real somehow, but I couldn't lay my finger on "why?".  Until I woke up (again) last night, and I immediately knew why... first of all it didn't feel real because I didn't stick to my original idea, secondly I had played piano and guitar in the song but I just didn't like the guitar, it somehow made it impersonal, I mean, I share all my songs with a guitar all the time, with everybody.

"Oboe!!! That's what I need!" I thought.  (Oboe is my favorite instrument, it's full of melancholy and I find it sounds solitary, even lonely sometimes).

Again I fell asleep, woke up early, and re-did the whole song. I also found a beautiful photo on FB that a good friend of mine, Judith Weekers, took, and used it for the song-cover. 

Here it is, 'Uit De Grond Van Mijn Hart (Dank Je)' I called it, [EN: From The Bottom Of My Heart (Thank You)] 

When time is not the only issue

Submitted by Marco on Tue, 10/05/2021 - 11:05
par-rot

…it’s a bit eh…sad, I find, but not at all surprising, that most worldwide social media platforms have almost entirely taken over the role of local news agencies, in a world that now irreversibly relies on digital communication, very similar to the way that traditional ‘mom ‘n pop stores’ are making way for huge conglomerate hyper markets with their massive “parking lots” to accommodate customers, literally turning individuals into numbers. I find it sad yet understandable.

And I find it understandable yet alarming how easily misinformation is deliberately OR accidentally spread, by attention-seekers and individuals that are well-aware, OR NOT, that due the continuous enormous input of information, increasing lack of time, and decreasing attention-span, a majority of individuals only read addictive “headlines” before forming an opinion. Just like judging a book by it’s cover.

Please don’t get me wrong; if you prefer to take a glance at a book and pretend you’ve read it; so be it! It’s your choice, not mine. If you’re angry that you feel treated like a number and not like an individual, that’s your choice too, and again, not mine.

So… 3 major worldwide platforms that I use, Facebook, Instagram & Whatsapp, went worldwide offline yesterday. During the first 5 minutes I took it personal; “was it something I posted that I shouldn’t have?”, “Did I get censured?”, “Was I hacked?”.

Then, after finding out it was worldwide, I felt relieved: “Ohh, good, I’m not the only one”.

Yet still, some 6 hours later, I woke up (twice last night!) and couldn’t help myself checking if those platforms were back on line. Bloody minimosquitoes!!!

This morning, when I woke up, I realized the importance (for me) to not rely too heavily on those platforms. But both personally and professionally I do need to rely, to some degree, on the Internet.

I remembered a friend of mine telling me once “Marco, keep it small, keep it personal, and most importantly, keep it true. Whatever happens next is no longer in your hands.” I do agree with his advice.

a mile or two

Submitted by Marco on Fri, 09/03/2021 - 07:45
we all climb our hills
might find rest in a valley
we all need a light
when it’s too dark to see
 
we all try swimmin' ashore
when lost in an ocean
we all get worn out
when overdosed by emotion
 
we all walk a desert
oasis’ far away
we all see the fata morgana
of a better yesterday
 
we all fly up high
head lost in a cloud
whilst dragging our toes
in a murky puddle of doubt
 
When asking yourself
“what should I do?”
you’ll find the answer in
walkin’ the other one’s shoes
so instead of asking
“what can I do?”
just sacrifice a little while
walkin’ the other one’s shoes
 
So you’ll see that they’ll fit
certainly after a mile or two
You’ll find all your answers 
You’ll know what to do
 
And if it so happens to find y'self
depressingly lost with no appearent destiny
don’t be afraid, just let the other know
that you really could do with some company
 
just for a mile, and after a mile or two
you’ll both find directions in knowing
which way you should go
and
every little thing you can do

© Marco Akamawa

Yesterday-morning I wrote a song, ‘A Mile Or Two’ I called it. The uplifting melody accompanying the lyrics is still in my head, and I’ll work it out today. 

The song is my share of a musical project that I’ve recently started undertaking together with a small group of indie artist friends. Anyway, all that is not my mini-mosquito.

Yesterday afternoon I had a gig close to the market square in the city I live in, so I went there, with the lyrics of ‘A Mile Or Two’ fresh in my head. The gig was going great. After a few hours I took a quick break to go to the market itself, to buy my dinner for the evening. I left my guitar case full of coins at the venue. As you might know, a part of the money I earn I donate to local charities, and the rest I don’t really consider it “my” money, for it belongs to my company. I always remember to keep those two strictly separated, for I know all too well what happens if I begin to mix things up.

Anyway, just before buying some chicken, I was stopped by an elderly man on a bicycle, who coherently but with a strong foreign accent asked me politely if he could ask me a question.

”Of course”, I said, presuming he wanted to ask for directions.

“Would you have maybe a Euro or two, I'm very hungry”, he said. 

blisters on which I sit

Submitted by Marco on Sun, 08/29/2021 - 12:10

Last night in bed my legs felt again

like strolling me straight into a blender

Regretfully I remember those times when

all three of us went on a terrible bender.

 

For hours my feet, they crossed me across

a large field covered with needles and pins

Now perhaps perpetually I gotta sit

on the blisters of previous sins

 

However on the upside and also in spite

of the blisters on which I now sit,

for me no more benders and that kind of eh…

oops, gotta keep it clean, so I delete that last bit,

and replace it with the best remedy I know; my terrible wit.

Silophophically Slapping

Submitted by Marco on Tue, 08/24/2021 - 20:19

Last night I, just before going to bed, I watched the news, which in hindsight was not a very good idea. At all. To make matters worse, afterwards, in bed, I spent an exorbitant long time with my ipad sort of surfing the facebook, or le facebook, as some posh people call it, till we both fell asleep, with our batteries drained and totally out of power. 

I woke up at around 5h15, well over an hour than earlier than the time I usually wake up, slightly irritated, even the fact that I felt irritated, irritated me. Plus the fact that my ipad, after plugging it in, seemed to return to consciousness way faster than I did, which of course irritated me. Yeah yeah, you can laugh all you want, but to me, at least this morning, it was drama after drama, here’s the proof:

  • First of all, secondly I mean, I ran out of milk, and I REALLY don’t like black coffee.
  • Then I refused to shave, because it would feel irritating, and didn’t take a shower, because I didn’t feel like shaving. 
  • The little orange washing-machine light was on, it had for 2 days or so, in vain, been trying to warn me that its dictatorial master wanted to be emptied. So I emptied the irritating dictator, eh… the washing-machine I mean, and all my clothes had an irritating smell. When I looked in the large bathroom mirror, I noticed that my face was as wrinkled as the clothes I saved from the dictator. 
  • Usually I put on some music, but this time I switched on the tv to kill the irritating silence. All I saw was an irritating repeat of last night. So, I went to my irritating ipad, (it was by then fully recharged, and I wasn’t even at 20%) to check messages. 

One of the messages was a long one from a very good friend, who lives halfway around the globe, in eastern direction, in what I usually call “a problem-country”, and which this morning obviously happened to be “an irritating problem-country”. I know, because in the past I went there more than once to look for problems, and every time I was extremely successful at that.  

She wasn’t feeling very well, a bit depressed even, and in all the years I’ve known her she never was depressed, or at least she never spoke about it. Because I care A LOT about her, and look up to her, (I consider her one of the great living treasures of mankind, oh…hang on, that sounds a bit too monumental, so I rephrase; she absolutely is one of my great heroes in life), my petty irritations vanished like cold snow in warm sunlight, when reading her letter. One of the issues she had to deal with was Covid-isolation, her health and the effect of people deliberately ignoring all Covid regulations. Whilst reading on, it became clear why I felt so irritated. It was not just the lack of sleep, it was also the effect of watching the late-night news combined with the sometimes (in my opinion) ridiculous posts I subsequently read (specifically) on fb.