Last night I, just before going to bed, I watched the news, which in hindsight was not a very good idea. At all. To make matters worse, afterwards, in bed, I spent an exorbitant long time with my ipad sort of surfing the facebook, or le facebook, as some posh people call it, till we both fell asleep, with our batteries drained and totally out of power.
I woke up at around 5h15, well over an hour than earlier than the time I usually wake up, slightly irritated, even the fact that I felt irritated, irritated me. Plus the fact that my ipad, after plugging it in, seemed to return to consciousness way faster than I did, which of course irritated me. Yeah yeah, you can laugh all you want, but to me, at least this morning, it was drama after drama, here’s the proof:
- First of all, secondly I mean, I ran out of milk, and I REALLY don’t like black coffee.
- Then I refused to shave, because it would feel irritating, and didn’t take a shower, because I didn’t feel like shaving.
- The little orange washing-machine light was on, it had for 2 days or so, in vain, been trying to warn me that its dictatorial master wanted to be emptied. So I emptied the irritating dictator, eh… the washing-machine I mean, and all my clothes had an irritating smell. When I looked in the large bathroom mirror, I noticed that my face was as wrinkled as the clothes I saved from the dictator.
- Usually I put on some music, but this time I switched on the tv to kill the irritating silence. All I saw was an irritating repeat of last night. So, I went to my irritating ipad, (it was by then fully recharged, and I wasn’t even at 20%) to check messages.
One of the messages was a long one from a very good friend, who lives halfway around the globe, in eastern direction, in what I usually call “a problem-country”, and which this morning obviously happened to be “an irritating problem-country”. I know, because in the past I went there more than once to look for problems, and every time I was extremely successful at that.
She wasn’t feeling very well, a bit depressed even, and in all the years I’ve known her she never was depressed, or at least she never spoke about it. Because I care A LOT about her, and look up to her, (I consider her one of the great living treasures of mankind, oh…hang on, that sounds a bit too monumental, so I rephrase; she absolutely is one of my great heroes in life), my petty irritations vanished like cold snow in warm sunlight, when reading her letter. One of the issues she had to deal with was Covid-isolation, her health and the effect of people deliberately ignoring all Covid regulations. Whilst reading on, it became clear why I felt so irritated. It was not just the lack of sleep, it was also the effect of watching the late-night news combined with the sometimes (in my opinion) ridiculous posts I subsequently read (specifically) on fb.
I wrote back to her, and small part of what I wrote to her I also wrote to myself. Here’s part of what I wrote. I found some comfort in it, I hope my friend will too (I think so, because big part of it I learned from her), and maybe you will find some comfort in it too!
…you sound a bit more positive, perhaps, or probably because you took a good rest, anyway, it makes me happy to hear that. About people and the abnormal situation that all of us find ourselves in; it’s just a plain fact that we are, well, most of us are “creatures of habit with a primary urgent survival-instinct”. Changes in our environment, big ones and small ones, often even the idea of change, can be very scary.
The idea of change can make us somewhat paranoid; we then jump to conclusions too fast, blame others too quickly, shut ourselves off, in denial, too quickly or, as a “precaution”, voice our opinion too quickly. Eminent changes, like this pandemic and its consequences, situations of war, accepting fugitive “strangers” in “your backyard” etc., but also every-day job-changes, financial status-changes, divorces, -the list is very long- can lead to a flee, fight or deny (as in “look the other way” reaction. It’s a very basic human reaction. And the more dire a situation seems to become (in our personal perception), the more we tend to grasp last straws, and almost automatically flock together with others that share our situation, share our sense of right or wrong, left, middle or right, opinion, conviction, religion, fear, even despair, in the hope to find comfort.
I write this because, just like you and everyone else, I’m human too.
I also write this as an exercise to myself, to remember the importance of not judging other people, in this case those that ‘don’t follow any Covid guidelines’ (and other groups of people), so I can get rid of a few negative feelings.
I believe in my heart that this is the only way I can achieve some positivity.
After writing to her, I felt much better, and had an awesome day, very productive, no irritations, heck, I even ironed my clothes! Well, not all of them, just the shirts, coz I hate ironing. I really do, can’t help it.
It’s getting late now, and I’m a bit tired (I wonder why), but before going to bed there’s still 2 things I need to do, one is to make sure my ipad sleeps alone on the couch, and the other is to make sure to slap the minimosquitoes that were bothering me last night don’t appear again.
I’ll give them a hard what I call “silophophical” slap around the ears, just to show some of the internetcrazies I can do much better if I really put myself to it.