egosyntonic, egodystonic and wodkatonic

Submitted by
Marco
on
Wed, 11/17/2021 - 15:41

Although I don't yell it off the rooftops, neither do I make it a "dark secret" that I  lived a life of high ups and low downs.

Nowadays the life I lead could be described as a bit dull, sometimes boring and mostly eventless, which quite frankly suits me fine ever since I stopped comparing it with the extravagant highs and sickening lows from the past.

But... a while ago I had these minimosquitos of nostalgia and even homesickness back to those times that I was in a pretty bad shape; homeless, begging, stealing and literally hiding away in dark places with a bottle of booze. I had had those thoughts before, but never paid them attention, and stealthily tucked them away instead because I didn't understand them. I mean; who in their right mind would long for those dreadful times, places and episodes?!?

This time  though it felt like I was hiding from those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings instead of the other way round, so I talked about it with a psychologist, an in my opinion brilliant young guy.  He explained (the difference between) egosyntonic and egodystonic thought-patterns and behavior.  Almost right away the penny dropped with a loud bang... 

"WOW", I enthusiastically said, "SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT I SHOULD NEVER EVER FORGET!!!"

"Why don't you write a song about it then". he dryly suggested.

Immediately a repetitive blues called "Down the hole with Alice" sort of crystalized in my mind, so I jolted down that title, wrote the lyrics on the bus on my way home, went into the studio and got to work. 

The imaginary rabbithole became 'the hole', and where that hole led to wasn't at all wonderland, so I dropped Alice. And 'The Hole' was born, a reminder to myself that "The Hole" never is far away, that I've been very lucky that I could crawl out of it, and hopefully a warning to others.  :)

The Hole (songcover) by Marco Akamawa
Audio file

'The Hole' (Addiction)
by Marco Akamawa

There is a place
Somewhere deep deep down that hole
There is a place oh yeah
Where and believe me 
You don't wanna go

Where your mind is tricked
And your soul is picked
By a devil that
Won't ever leave you alone

You go there once
You go there twice
Soon you'll be beggin'
To go down for more
To that place
Somewhere deep deep down that hole

Where your mind is tricked
Into sellin' your soul
To a devil that
Won't ever ever leave you alone 
No more

He'll put a spell on you
He'll make you do things
You never ever 
Never ever 
Never ever wanted to do

He'll put a spell on you oh yeah
And you'll be doin' things
You never ever wanted to do

You'll loose your mind
You'll sell your soul
You'll hit rockbottom so hard
That you might never ever 
Never ever crawl
Crawl out of that hole
Crawl out of that hole
Come on now 
Crawl out of that hole

Crawl out of that hole
Before your mind is tricked
Into sellin' your soul

Watch out for that hole
Where your mind is tricked
Into sellin' your very soul

Ik Hou Steeds Meer Van Jou

60% of this song’s proceeds (media+streaming+downloads+album sales) go to Alzheimer’s & MS cure-research 

Ik Hou Steeds Meer Van Jou BRC donations InsideOut Productions

Alzheimer Brain Research Center - Amsterdam/ Netherlands